Food for Thought

March 27, 2018

The #metoo movement has made clear what many of us have known for a while: there is a problem with the culture of masculinity.  In the past, it was debatable, it was ignorable.  It can no longer be ignored and there is very little real debate about whether or not the t...

February 24, 2018

We are men who are not ashamed of our masculinity
We are men who are willing to look at our faults and our demons
We are men who see that we were raised in a culture of disconnection & abuse
We are men who see that the misogyny and homophobia in our culture hurts other...

February 11, 2018

"I pretty much always have to initiate sex" My buddy told me.

I sensed a little resentment and asked him about it. He said it wasn't a big deal, but conceded that he had a little frustration with the dynamic. He would prefer more reciprocation, because initiating sex ta...

November 27, 2017

My past guilt and  loneliness came from the same source.

I grew up in a culture that told me that to be a man is to be tough.  I learned that being emotional was the antithesis of being a man.   I was told to "Man up" and "don't be a pussy".  I learned to repress my emo...

November 27, 2017

How do you rebuild after break up?

A lot of people say that you need to be alone. You need to learn to love yourself. You need to heal.

I talk to people who tell me they are not ready to jump into another relationship.

Dating experts will tell you that if you dive back in...

September 27, 2017

Friends often ask me how to approach someone.  They tell me they are not sure what to say. They don't want to come off too aggressive, or needy.  They want to be witty and engaging. They don't want to sound stupid. 

Sometimes they don't say anything.  I k...

May 23, 2017

Do you ever feel like you suck at relationships? 

I often hear people talk about "failed relationships".  Sometimes they use the word "failure," other times failure is implicit in how they talk about the relationships that didn't work out.  I have heard people talk abou...

February 3, 2017

Oh, the “friend zone”! That lukewarm sexless purgatory where nice guys are sent by the woman of their dreams. I remember Caitlyn Shuman who put me in the friend zone.  We were brilliant together.  I made her laugh. We talked on the phone for hours.  But she wouldn’t da...

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